“Set in Our Ways” – How Ambitious People Are Different From Everyday Folk and Why We’re “Better”

“To thy own self be true.” No one puts it better than Polonius [from Hamlet]. Many like to tag and quote this piece, but few seem to realize its true value more then those who are ambitious. Ambitious people are different from ordinary folk; they’re not content with staying in the same place, doing the same thing, maintaining the same habits their whole lives. They don’t lie about everyday wining and complaining about their ho-drum lives; they take action. They know what they want, and they go for it; they don’t let anyone or anything stand in their way. They fall off the horse and leap back on, taking off faster and better than before.

Being ambitious takes has taken me far in life; I graduated summa cum laude with my bachelor’s and landed a full-time job at my alma mata ultilizing the thing I love most, writing. I wanted to work in Manhattan, and my ambitious heart helped get me there. I enjoy my 45-60 minutes to and from work everyday via subway and the Metro North because I am where I love most — la citta. Ambition and maintaining my pride also helped me get rid of fake friends and realize and hold onto my true ones. It showed me also that most of us have the virtue of success in common, some moving faster than others, some in different career fields, and scattered throughout most of our locations. If there’s one thing most of us have in common, it’s pride.

Yet not everyone has that. Some people are content staying home all day doing nothing. Some would prefer the solitude of the inland more than the hustle and bustle of the big city. Sometimes they never get the passion or drive to make something of themselves and leave their ho-drum lives. In some cases, they’re happy staying stuck with they are forever, or making themselves get stuck someplace us. These are the everyday folk; they’re much different than us. That doesn’t make them any worse or better; we’re just different. At least ambitious folk recognize the difference and respect that; everyday folk do not.

“Regular” people don’t view our ambition as a driving point. They label it as “dreaming” and “living in ‘fantasy land.'” They try to discourage and taunt us, saying that we’re being “too thick headed” and are “set in our ways.” To them, we’re haughty, rude beings who think we’re better than everyone else. They don’t view our differences as a good thing; they view us as “bad, picky people who they need to stay far away from.” However, the only “bad, picky people” are the regular folk themselves, and it’s simply for thinking this way, and most of the time, they aren’t even bad people; they just are “set in their ways” of defining what we should do to “settle” and “remain calm.” Yet they’re not hurting us — they’re hurting themselves by putting slits into the belt that unites us in our relationships.

A perfect example is myself — I am a ambitious, driven woman in her 20s. Most of my friends are successful men and women in their 20s and 30s. Some are ambitious, others are not. One of the “everyday folk” and I are at odds, and now I may be on the outs with another one. One views me as “set in my ways,” and I won’t argue her about that; the other is glimpsing into the same. Ma perche — why? Perche — because — I refuse to settle in “love.” O Cesar o nothing — its Caesar or nothing; I’d rather never marry before I compromise my soul and my life for settling for second rate men. But I know it won’t come to that; true love will find me again, and I’ll be with my “Caesar” in no time once I let go and open my heart and mind to who’s out there, what I want, and most of all, what God/the universe thinks and knows is in store for me.

Long story short, I’ve had encounters with friends of friends, both in person and online. Those people are male, and they are romantically interested in me. I, however, have and show no interest in them. They are not on my level; boring, both physically and internally unattractive everyday men who have no ambition or motive in life besides merely getting by. You’d get more laughter from a raindrop then these fellows. I’m not interested — don’t ask me why, I am not. Actually, they should know that I’m not because I both kindly and frustratingly asked time and time again not to be set up with people and not to pressure me into situations with men I don’t want. Sadly, they don’t get it; they just don’t understand. They criticize me, my hopes, my ambition, my dreams; they don’t understand or sympathize with how far dreams can really go. They’re not bad people; they’re wonderful. We’re just stuck in different mindsets, and I have, and show, no shame in living in mine. Time is something precious that we can never get back; why waste it with the wrong one(s) who we already know that we’ll never be attracted to and some whom we’re physically and emotionally repulsed by, just all out creeps. The best part of all, what some “everyday folk” fail to understand is that they are not one to judge us; some are where they are because of their success and pride in certain areas, especially with guy/romantic partners. So why pressure me into being with men as dry as toast when you have handsome/beautiful, successful, and, for some, ambitious partners yourselves? Therefore, they have no right to judge.

The best part of it all is that these everyday folk view themselves as “normal” and us as “different” and “strange,” and they are wrong in doing so. Yet there is no such thing as “normal;” that is a conception in reality that doesn’t exist. This is what makes ambitious people better; we see and share the comparisons, contrasts, and joys and embrace in it. In fact, these are our playgrounds. They share the joy in being different and strange as we are, too; they’re just so stubborn to realize it. And how joyous and ironic it is in life that the ones who preach normalcy are the least “regular” of them all.

Namaste, everyone. Have a Happy Wednesday and get home safe! ūüôā

 

Advertisements

Tanto monta, Monta Tanto: The Search for the “Perfect” Partner

Once upon a time, I shared my life with someone, a man who captivated my heart and mind, yet had some demons which ultimately tore us apart, that mixed in with the both of us being very young, na√Įve, and immature. Nearly five years later, and I have yet to enter into another relationship, but dated around. My experiences with men in my 23 years are like young person’s– mixed. Men are like children and dogs; you’re never find the same one again. You might find bits and pieces of him in others, whether in physicality, mannerisms,¬†or personal interests, but this is not Vertigo; you’re not going to find an exact doppelg√§nger of “the one who got away” waltzing down the street, and if you do its certainly not good nor wise for them or your mental and emotional health to change them into a replica.

So what must we do failed date after failed date, relationship after relationship, time after time? First and foremost, we must focus on one person, the only one who matters most — yourself. As RuPaul says at the end of each episode of Drag Race, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anybody else.” So self love is a key. Do things on your own — go shopping, swimming, hiking, treat yourself to a tempting lunch, breakfast, dinner, dessert, or all four. Go out, live free, have fun. Learn to have fun by yourself and get to know yourself again.

No what? You practice self love, to your own self you’re true, what’s next? You need to narrow down exactly what you want in a partner — physically, personally, emotionally, mentally, etc. Don’t force a relationship with someone who merely gives you attention or because you don’t want to be “rude” to the family and friends who’re trying to set you up with someone. If you’re not physically and/or emotionally¬†attracted to someone now, you’ll never be. You’re forcing the horse to drink the water until he pukes it all out. Let them down the right away, until they don’t get it or don’t give up; then “ghost” them, by “ghost” I mean ignore, delete, and block them so they can’t reach you again. Trust me, dealing with an annoying “gentlemen caller” a couple of times a year at parties is much better than him always being the first person to like your stuff when your heart doesn’t belong to him — especially if your heart belongs to someone else.

Speaking of someone else, who is that guy? He’s your soulmate, your romantic soulmate because, let’s face it, there are so many soulmates we have in life, but also your equal/missing half, yet realize that you are and always were whole, you just had yet to realize it. So what are you looking for? You’re “tanto, monta, monta, tanto.” This phrase means, “They amount to the same,” or “opposites in balance,” the alleged motto of Isabel I of Castile and Fernando II of Aragon during their marriage. This showed that they were equal rulers in their own rights, and both reigned over their inherited kingdom and served as consort to the other’s, respectively. Therefore, you want someone who’s a ruler, a leader, but won’t force your hand. A man who is as attractive on the inside as he is on the outer fields.¬†This person motivates you, and gets¬†inspired themselves. You two complement one another like berries and cream or salt and¬†vinegar; whether you’re exactly alike or opposite or a combination of both in common interests, its¬†your passion, charimas, love, and motivation that inspire one another. And that, therefore, is what we must find — tanto monta, monta tanto.¬† Only¬†through this can we¬†find a partner¬†who’s¬†“perfect,” because remember darling, there is no such thing as perfection, it is merely an illusion created my mankind. The only thing that’s perfect is God, the rest is just how good we can be and get, and notice that everyone, and everything, is you, yourself,¬†pushed out.

Have a blessed weekend! ūüôā

Image via the second season of Isabel, TVE, 2013
via Daily Prompt: Partner