Thursday, August 31, 2017: Quote of the Day, Meaning & Reflection – Positivity & Light

We boil at different degrees. - Clint Eastwood
“We boil at different degrees” — this means that everyone grows and matures at their own pace. Perhaps you feel different and disconnected from people, places, and things whom you love, but have evolved from. Maybe you’re deciding to build a new life for yourself and your family and friends think differently on it. It could be you or someone else has yet to move on from a traumatic event or want to break free. The message? Descansar — rest, don’t tire yourself. If you’re feeling down because your moment has yet to come, fear not; your time is coming, all you need do is have patience and wait.

I’m one of the most impatient people I know of and can vouch for that. A year ago, I was working in a position that I knew I wanted to get out of when my supervisor informed me that my co-worker and I were getting let go in a month; our department moved to another division, and the funding was no longer available to pay part-time employees. I put on a brave face (I felt worse for my boss than he felt for me, since I could see how upset he was and was more than thankful he was telling me ahead of time), and continued doing what I did the whole summer, going on interviews and scramming to find a position. Words alone cannot express how grateful I was when my present job opened up in the HR division I worked in since I was a student and my boss brought me on board. For the first time in months, I felt like I could finally breathe.

My job in HRIS ended on a Friday, and I started working in Benefits the following Tuesday. Although I was still part-time, I told advantage of my role by getting in as much into our processing and repository systems as possible, including over 600 files at one point, assisting with special events and classes for all the HR departments, and even taking an HR Generalist Certification course in Midtown. I achieved a lot for my co-workers and myself. However, at times, I felt very upset and down when I saw people I knew and went to school with getting full-time jobs, whether in their desired fields or not, and going on to work in big cities and do great things while I was still stuck. It wasn’t that I was doing the wrong thing; after taking 2 and a half months off to think, I started applying to positions galore in November-December (I actually put in my cover letters “getting this job would be the perfect Christmas present”) and went on more interviews, half good, half “eh” to bad. Yet none of these opportunities worked out, and it hurt me a lot, even the ones that I knew wouldn’t have worked out. I had yet to realize that the water wasn’t yet boiled; it simply wasn’t my time.

During the course of this year, I competed in the official Miss New York USA pageant and did background acting on Homeland and an Untitled HBO Project while working part-time. I also went on vacation twice, with my best friend to Fort Lauderdale, Hollywood, Miami Beach and South Beach, Florida and with my family to Rhode Island. I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way and made the most of it. While I can still complete in the pageant again next January (and its official, I am) and go on vacation so long as I double check and use a personal day and vacations days, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do the acting again, and for that I’m truly grateful. The past year and four months have been a time of tremendous growth that I needed to undergo and appreciate before I started working full-time — and “at last” the day came.

“At last” for this is a two-part process; today is my last day in HR, Tuesday I’ll start over in Development and Alumni Relations downtown. I’m still working at the university, with is a dream come true on the HR end since most of my stuff is already in the system, but will be in the city and writing so much more, two important things that I wanted to accomplish when pursuing something full-time. I also get to draft proposals, ghostwrite for the university higher ups, interview and do write-ups on donors of the month. Its everything I loved about journalism before I switched out into communications! Although I have to work evening and weekends for busy times and special events, one of said events is an awards dinner at the American Museum of Natural History — need I say more.

This is a great chance to make a fresh start and begin my writing career full-time — during the day as a development associate, and still in my spare time as a creative writer and screenwriter. Yet now is the perfect time for this all is be working out; a year ago I was too closed minded to think outside the box, refusing to apply to positions that didn’t have “writer/editor” in the job title, yet got interviews for even intern and secretary roles at casting and production companies, and the one time I did get an interview for an “Publishing Assistant” role, it was basically a data entry clerk with a fancy title and little to no writing involved. Forget about creative growth, there wasn’t even room for writing official letters. That experience was a big eye opener for me, since it taught me to 1.) investigate companies further (the HR contact assured me it was a “creative role” prior to my interview, and I had a weird experience before then where they wanted to illegally pay me under the minimum wage on the books — a huge hell no and also begging to get shut down) and 2.) read job descriptions thoroughly with attention to every detail. Its like my favorite Dead lyrics of all time, “once in awhile you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.” Sometimes positions may not seem what you’re looking for by their title, but if you read between the lines and look past the surface, you soon realize that the show might fit. The same can be said with searching for a home, car, or partner. This is a part of life and growing and developing as an individual and intellectual as a whole.

Speaking of “boiling at different degrees,” I’m learning to boil out of my “laissez-faire” (as in translation of “hands off”) romantic dreams and facing reality. I had to fully let go and make peace with my past, and did so the other day; I haven’t heard anything yet. I may or may not, but that doesn’t matter. What counts is that I said everything I needed to say and was aching to get out for years, not placing blame, but instead apologizing on my end, saying there is nothing to forgive because I forgave him a long time ago, and thanking him for all the fun times we had. I was also friendly and invited him to reach out, but if he doesn’t I understand. I feel like years of guilt and doubt are finally lifted off my shoulders, and I’m fully ready for what’s coming. I know now that I need to start dating again — not dating every six months or so and cancelling each other because I don’t want to “waste my time,” but actively going on dates anywhere from every week or so to once a month. Though I’ve dated since my breakup, I’ve only had one official sit down date since then, and nearly five years have gone by; I need to give my potential suitors a chance, just like my ex gave me. We were friends before we started dating, I liking him first and him not reciprocating the feelings, but in time, ironically around the point where I gave up all hope, he told me of his growing feelings and how he wanted us to go out. We didn’t even have our first date when we started dating; all I thought was he was giving me a chance to go out, and the next day he asked me over the phone, “So how was your first day of having a boyfriend?” What? We’re dating already? It was shocking, but great! Yet blurred my mind as I got older, since I saw people dating around, seeing different people at the same time and struggled to differentiate the difference between that and cheating. It took me until this weekend talking with my aunt and best friend to realize that I can date a few guys at the same time and it doesn’t mean I have multiple boyfriends or a boyfriend in general — its ok to have fun and play chess with fate. Not every guy is gonna be like my ex and put the label of “together” on that quick; and that’s a good thing!

So Clint Eastwood’s right — “we boil at different degrees.” Sometimes we make it before others or vice versa. All our friends are in relationships and we’re the only single person in the group or vice versa. Some of them move on faster after a breakup than us or vice versa. The point is what works for us works for us; it might not work for others, but it’s ok. This is all part of the journey of growing up and trusting in the universe and God’s Divine Timing, or whatever you choose to believe in. Everyone moves at their own pace — so let’s move on and take it one step at a time.

For more job searching articles, be sure to check these out!

The 7 Most Disrespectful Things Prospective Employers Do From a Candidate’s Point of View

A Word of Advice to Students and Recent Graduates Going on Interviews

An Epiphany

Also be sure to view these articles on dating and “the single life!”

12 Things I’ve Learned While Being Single for 4 Years
Changes in Self-Discovery and Realization: The Single Life, Good Friends & Tiempo per me
Pursuing the Self: May 2017 Update
Tanto monta, Monta Tanto: The Search for the “Perfect” Partner

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Tanto monta, Monta Tanto: The Search for the “Perfect” Partner

Once upon a time, I shared my life with someone, a man who captivated my heart and mind, yet had some demons which ultimately tore us apart, that mixed in with the both of us being very young, naïve, and immature. Nearly five years later, and I have yet to enter into another relationship, but dated around. My experiences with men in my 23 years are like young person’s– mixed. Men are like children and dogs; you’re never find the same one again. You might find bits and pieces of him in others, whether in physicality, mannerisms, or personal interests, but this is not Vertigo; you’re not going to find an exact doppelgänger of “the one who got away” waltzing down the street, and if you do its certainly not good nor wise for them or your mental and emotional health to change them into a replica.

So what must we do failed date after failed date, relationship after relationship, time after time? First and foremost, we must focus on one person, the only one who matters most — yourself. As RuPaul says at the end of each episode of Drag Race, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anybody else.” So self love is a key. Do things on your own — go shopping, swimming, hiking, treat yourself to a tempting lunch, breakfast, dinner, dessert, or all four. Go out, live free, have fun. Learn to have fun by yourself and get to know yourself again.

No what? You practice self love, to your own self you’re true, what’s next? You need to narrow down exactly what you want in a partner — physically, personally, emotionally, mentally, etc. Don’t force a relationship with someone who merely gives you attention or because you don’t want to be “rude” to the family and friends who’re trying to set you up with someone. If you’re not physically and/or emotionally attracted to someone now, you’ll never be. You’re forcing the horse to drink the water until he pukes it all out. Let them down the right away, until they don’t get it or don’t give up; then “ghost” them, by “ghost” I mean ignore, delete, and block them so they can’t reach you again. Trust me, dealing with an annoying “gentlemen caller” a couple of times a year at parties is much better than him always being the first person to like your stuff when your heart doesn’t belong to him — especially if your heart belongs to someone else.

Speaking of someone else, who is that guy? He’s your soulmate, your romantic soulmate because, let’s face it, there are so many soulmates we have in life, but also your equal/missing half, yet realize that you are and always were whole, you just had yet to realize it. So what are you looking for? You’re “tanto, monta, monta, tanto.” This phrase means, “They amount to the same,” or “opposites in balance,” the alleged motto of Isabel I of Castile and Fernando II of Aragon during their marriage. This showed that they were equal rulers in their own rights, and both reigned over their inherited kingdom and served as consort to the other’s, respectively. Therefore, you want someone who’s a ruler, a leader, but won’t force your hand. A man who is as attractive on the inside as he is on the outer fields. This person motivates you, and gets inspired themselves. You two complement one another like berries and cream or salt and vinegar; whether you’re exactly alike or opposite or a combination of both in common interests, its your passion, charimas, love, and motivation that inspire one another. And that, therefore, is what we must find — tanto monta, monta tanto.  Only through this can we find a partner who’s “perfect,” because remember darling, there is no such thing as perfection, it is merely an illusion created my mankind. The only thing that’s perfect is God, the rest is just how good we can be and get, and notice that everyone, and everything, is you, yourself, pushed out.

Have a blessed weekend! 🙂

Image via the second season of Isabel, TVE, 2013
via Daily Prompt: Partner