“Set in Our Ways” – How Ambitious People Are Different From Everyday Folk and Why We’re “Better”

“To thy own self be true.” No one puts it better than Polonius [from Hamlet]. Many like to tag and quote this piece, but few seem to realize its true value more then those who are ambitious. Ambitious people are different from ordinary folk; they’re not content with staying in the same place, doing the same thing, maintaining the same habits their whole lives. They don’t lie about everyday wining and complaining about their ho-drum lives; they take action. They know what they want, and they go for it; they don’t let anyone or anything stand in their way. They fall off the horse and leap back on, taking off faster and better than before.

Being ambitious takes has taken me far in life; I graduated summa cum laude with my bachelor’s and landed a full-time job at my alma mata ultilizing the thing I love most, writing. I wanted to work in Manhattan, and my ambitious heart helped get me there. I enjoy my 45-60 minutes to and from work everyday via subway and the Metro North because I am where I love most — la citta. Ambition and maintaining my pride also helped me get rid of fake friends and realize and hold onto my true ones. It showed me also that most of us have the virtue of success in common, some moving faster than others, some in different career fields, and scattered throughout most of our locations. If there’s one thing most of us have in common, it’s pride.

Yet not everyone has that. Some people are content staying home all day doing nothing. Some would prefer the solitude of the inland more than the hustle and bustle of the big city. Sometimes they never get the passion or drive to make something of themselves and leave their ho-drum lives. In some cases, they’re happy staying stuck with they are forever, or making themselves get stuck someplace us. These are the everyday folk; they’re much different than us. That doesn’t make them any worse or better; we’re just different. At least ambitious folk recognize the difference and respect that; everyday folk do not.

“Regular” people don’t view our ambition as a driving point. They label it as “dreaming” and “living in ‘fantasy land.'” They try to discourage and taunt us, saying that we’re being “too thick headed” and are “set in our ways.” To them, we’re haughty, rude beings who think we’re better than everyone else. They don’t view our differences as a good thing; they view us as “bad, picky people who they need to stay far away from.” However, the only “bad, picky people” are the regular folk themselves, and it’s simply for thinking this way, and most of the time, they aren’t even bad people; they just are “set in their ways” of defining what we should do to “settle” and “remain calm.” Yet they’re not hurting us — they’re hurting themselves by putting slits into the belt that unites us in our relationships.

A perfect example is myself — I am a ambitious, driven woman in her 20s. Most of my friends are successful men and women in their 20s and 30s. Some are ambitious, others are not. One of the “everyday folk” and I are at odds, and now I may be on the outs with another one. One views me as “set in my ways,” and I won’t argue her about that; the other is glimpsing into the same. Ma perche — why? Perche — because — I refuse to settle in “love.” O Cesar o nothing — its Caesar or nothing; I’d rather never marry before I compromise my soul and my life for settling for second rate men. But I know it won’t come to that; true love will find me again, and I’ll be with my “Caesar” in no time once I let go and open my heart and mind to who’s out there, what I want, and most of all, what God/the universe thinks and knows is in store for me.

Long story short, I’ve had encounters with friends of friends, both in person and online. Those people are male, and they are romantically interested in me. I, however, have and show no interest in them. They are not on my level; boring, both physically and internally unattractive everyday men who have no ambition or motive in life besides merely getting by. You’d get more laughter from a raindrop then these fellows. I’m not interested — don’t ask me why, I am not. Actually, they should know that I’m not because I both kindly and frustratingly asked time and time again not to be set up with people and not to pressure me into situations with men I don’t want. Sadly, they don’t get it; they just don’t understand. They criticize me, my hopes, my ambition, my dreams; they don’t understand or sympathize with how far dreams can really go. They’re not bad people; they’re wonderful. We’re just stuck in different mindsets, and I have, and show, no shame in living in mine. Time is something precious that we can never get back; why waste it with the wrong one(s) who we already know that we’ll never be attracted to and some whom we’re physically and emotionally repulsed by, just all out creeps. The best part of all, what some “everyday folk” fail to understand is that they are not one to judge us; some are where they are because of their success and pride in certain areas, especially with guy/romantic partners. So why pressure me into being with men as dry as toast when you have handsome/beautiful, successful, and, for some, ambitious partners yourselves? Therefore, they have no right to judge.

The best part of it all is that these everyday folk view themselves as “normal” and us as “different” and “strange,” and they are wrong in doing so. Yet there is no such thing as “normal;” that is a conception in reality that doesn’t exist. This is what makes ambitious people better; we see and share the comparisons, contrasts, and joys and embrace in it. In fact, these are our playgrounds. They share the joy in being different and strange as we are, too; they’re just so stubborn to realize it. And how joyous and ironic it is in life that the ones who preach normalcy are the least “regular” of them all.

Namaste, everyone. Have a Happy Wednesday and get home safe! 🙂

 

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Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. - Mother Teresa

Separate Ways

Two little girls sit one by one, two

little girls; only one is the star. A star

of a show of her brand new life, while

little one falls on her knee and cries. Now

she climbs, she rumbles, getting herself

back up. As she rises, that little one comes

tumbling down. And like God and Adam, they

reach their chubby little fingers towards each

other, one to help the other up, until both little

cherubs like Zeus in Alexandria are standing

tall. But soon the path widens, and one little

girl with indifference cries, while the other

packs up, says her goodbye. “Fare thee well,

sweet sister, fare thee well,” she replies. “We

are on the same journey, but different roads. We’ll

meet again, as time due flies.”

  • Julia St. Clair, ©2017, 4:40 p.m.

Thursday, August 31, 2017: Quote of the Day, Meaning & Reflection – Positivity & Light

We boil at different degrees. - Clint Eastwood
“We boil at different degrees” — this means that everyone grows and matures at their own pace. Perhaps you feel different and disconnected from people, places, and things whom you love, but have evolved from. Maybe you’re deciding to build a new life for yourself and your family and friends think differently on it. It could be you or someone else has yet to move on from a traumatic event or want to break free. The message? Descansar — rest, don’t tire yourself. If you’re feeling down because your moment has yet to come, fear not; your time is coming, all you need do is have patience and wait.

I’m one of the most impatient people I know of and can vouch for that. A year ago, I was working in a position that I knew I wanted to get out of when my supervisor informed me that my co-worker and I were getting let go in a month; our department moved to another division, and the funding was no longer available to pay part-time employees. I put on a brave face (I felt worse for my boss than he felt for me, since I could see how upset he was and was more than thankful he was telling me ahead of time), and continued doing what I did the whole summer, going on interviews and scramming to find a position. Words alone cannot express how grateful I was when my present job opened up in the HR division I worked in since I was a student and my boss brought me on board. For the first time in months, I felt like I could finally breathe.

My job in HRIS ended on a Friday, and I started working in Benefits the following Tuesday. Although I was still part-time, I told advantage of my role by getting in as much into our processing and repository systems as possible, including over 600 files at one point, assisting with special events and classes for all the HR departments, and even taking an HR Generalist Certification course in Midtown. I achieved a lot for my co-workers and myself. However, at times, I felt very upset and down when I saw people I knew and went to school with getting full-time jobs, whether in their desired fields or not, and going on to work in big cities and do great things while I was still stuck. It wasn’t that I was doing the wrong thing; after taking 2 and a half months off to think, I started applying to positions galore in November-December (I actually put in my cover letters “getting this job would be the perfect Christmas present”) and went on more interviews, half good, half “eh” to bad. Yet none of these opportunities worked out, and it hurt me a lot, even the ones that I knew wouldn’t have worked out. I had yet to realize that the water wasn’t yet boiled; it simply wasn’t my time.

During the course of this year, I competed in the official Miss New York USA pageant and did background acting on Homeland and an Untitled HBO Project while working part-time. I also went on vacation twice, with my best friend to Fort Lauderdale, Hollywood, Miami Beach and South Beach, Florida and with my family to Rhode Island. I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way and made the most of it. While I can still complete in the pageant again next January (and its official, I am) and go on vacation so long as I double check and use a personal day and vacations days, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do the acting again, and for that I’m truly grateful. The past year and four months have been a time of tremendous growth that I needed to undergo and appreciate before I started working full-time — and “at last” the day came.

“At last” for this is a two-part process; today is my last day in HR, Tuesday I’ll start over in Development and Alumni Relations downtown. I’m still working at the university, with is a dream come true on the HR end since most of my stuff is already in the system, but will be in the city and writing so much more, two important things that I wanted to accomplish when pursuing something full-time. I also get to draft proposals, ghostwrite for the university higher ups, interview and do write-ups on donors of the month. Its everything I loved about journalism before I switched out into communications! Although I have to work evening and weekends for busy times and special events, one of said events is an awards dinner at the American Museum of Natural History — need I say more.

This is a great chance to make a fresh start and begin my writing career full-time — during the day as a development associate, and still in my spare time as a creative writer and screenwriter. Yet now is the perfect time for this all is be working out; a year ago I was too closed minded to think outside the box, refusing to apply to positions that didn’t have “writer/editor” in the job title, yet got interviews for even intern and secretary roles at casting and production companies, and the one time I did get an interview for an “Publishing Assistant” role, it was basically a data entry clerk with a fancy title and little to no writing involved. Forget about creative growth, there wasn’t even room for writing official letters. That experience was a big eye opener for me, since it taught me to 1.) investigate companies further (the HR contact assured me it was a “creative role” prior to my interview, and I had a weird experience before then where they wanted to illegally pay me under the minimum wage on the books — a huge hell no and also begging to get shut down) and 2.) read job descriptions thoroughly with attention to every detail. Its like my favorite Dead lyrics of all time, “once in awhile you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.” Sometimes positions may not seem what you’re looking for by their title, but if you read between the lines and look past the surface, you soon realize that the show might fit. The same can be said with searching for a home, car, or partner. This is a part of life and growing and developing as an individual and intellectual as a whole.

Speaking of “boiling at different degrees,” I’m learning to boil out of my “laissez-faire” (as in translation of “hands off”) romantic dreams and facing reality. I had to fully let go and make peace with my past, and did so the other day; I haven’t heard anything yet. I may or may not, but that doesn’t matter. What counts is that I said everything I needed to say and was aching to get out for years, not placing blame, but instead apologizing on my end, saying there is nothing to forgive because I forgave him a long time ago, and thanking him for all the fun times we had. I was also friendly and invited him to reach out, but if he doesn’t I understand. I feel like years of guilt and doubt are finally lifted off my shoulders, and I’m fully ready for what’s coming. I know now that I need to start dating again — not dating every six months or so and cancelling each other because I don’t want to “waste my time,” but actively going on dates anywhere from every week or so to once a month. Though I’ve dated since my breakup, I’ve only had one official sit down date since then, and nearly five years have gone by; I need to give my potential suitors a chance, just like my ex gave me. We were friends before we started dating, I liking him first and him not reciprocating the feelings, but in time, ironically around the point where I gave up all hope, he told me of his growing feelings and how he wanted us to go out. We didn’t even have our first date when we started dating; all I thought was he was giving me a chance to go out, and the next day he asked me over the phone, “So how was your first day of having a boyfriend?” What? We’re dating already? It was shocking, but great! Yet blurred my mind as I got older, since I saw people dating around, seeing different people at the same time and struggled to differentiate the difference between that and cheating. It took me until this weekend talking with my aunt and best friend to realize that I can date a few guys at the same time and it doesn’t mean I have multiple boyfriends or a boyfriend in general — its ok to have fun and play chess with fate. Not every guy is gonna be like my ex and put the label of “together” on that quick; and that’s a good thing!

So Clint Eastwood’s right — “we boil at different degrees.” Sometimes we make it before others or vice versa. All our friends are in relationships and we’re the only single person in the group or vice versa. Some of them move on faster after a breakup than us or vice versa. The point is what works for us works for us; it might not work for others, but it’s ok. This is all part of the journey of growing up and trusting in the universe and God’s Divine Timing, or whatever you choose to believe in. Everyone moves at their own pace — so let’s move on and take it one step at a time.

For more job searching articles, be sure to check these out!

The 7 Most Disrespectful Things Prospective Employers Do From a Candidate’s Point of View

A Word of Advice to Students and Recent Graduates Going on Interviews

An Epiphany

Also be sure to view these articles on dating and “the single life!”

12 Things I’ve Learned While Being Single for 4 Years
Changes in Self-Discovery and Realization: The Single Life, Good Friends & Tiempo per me
Pursuing the Self: May 2017 Update
Tanto monta, Monta Tanto: The Search for the “Perfect” Partner

Reflections, Vol. 1

A brief list of reflections I’ve had/am having throughout the course of the year so far.

  • We constantly blame people for us being the way we are, but no one forced us to be this way. True, we as humans are influenced, but we have a choice. Unless its a difficult circumstance, such as a gun being held to the head, we are solely at fault for being the way we are — whether we like it or not.
  • Its psychologically proven that its easier for humans to adjust easier to more stimulation than less. Yet I can adjust to the quiet beach-country of Rhode Island just as easily as roaming the Manhattan streets. Yet if I had to chose where I’d rather be year round, the city would be my choice.
  • I was driving through the Putnam/Duchess/northern Fairfield county borders, and losing my patience with my unfamiliarity driving throughout the area. Its beautiful viewing the lakes as a passenger, but a bitch if you’re a driver from the city with the locals speeding up out of nowhere, yet always having the right away over you God forbid something goes wrong. And when your best friend does a *reverse Arminius you feel like the only urban girl upstate, all alone.

    “This is why I like the city better!” I yell in frustration. A mixture of confusion, miscommunication, and a bad case of PMS and the tension is over. Yet just by me blabbing that, everything makes sense; it all comes out. Upstate is pretty, beautiful even — but its just not for me. I don’t belong here; I’m meant for downtown.

  • Yet I don’t feel this distain towards all of upstate. I love New Paltz and Woodstock far better than Fishkill and Brewster. I haven’t yet driven in Woodstock, but I have in New Paltz; I find it much easier to navigate, and such a joy being so close to the mountains, historical sh*t, and walking onto the main road, seeing businesses named after Grateful Dead songs. I’d never live in Putnam/Duchess/Fairfield, even though there’s a kickass mall and not one, but two Chick-Fil-A’s, but I would consider Ulster one day, after I accomplish all of my goals. If only they had a train station leading south to my beloved citta…
  • When things go wrong with anyone, whether they be a friend, family member, partner, co-worker, etc., its hard getting an unbiased opinion with everyone taking your side. Even when we’re right, we’re so focused on getting out our part of the story as to “not look like a fool” that we overdramatize details and try to ruin the other person’s reputation. True, we’re in the moment and don’t see this as such, but we notice years later during one of our deep meditations.

    What was I thinking? They were bad, but not that bad! They weren’t bad at all, but I made them a whole lot worse!

    You reflect, thinking and feeling the emotions bottled up rise above the surface all at once. Should I reach out? Should I call? Perhaps I better ignore it; maybe they’re reach out to me. It’s good to have faith, great even, but God only helps those who help themselves. Don’t sit there on your ass doing nothing; do something. Unless divine action has yet to speak through, don’t waste time waiting; depending on our beliefs, we only have one life to live. Best to live it the way we want and stop settling for everything in life.

  • We worry so much about impressing other people, its a shame we don’t pay attention to impressing ourselves. One step at a time, one day closer; once you learn to let of fear, then you truly start living life for you and who, what, and where you truly love.
  • I’ve been practicing Law of Attraction for over three months now, and see two of my three main manifestations taking form; one is fully coming to fruition, the other is halfway there. And the last? Non so — I do not know. I know in my heart that it will happen one day, but why can’t one day be now? This is something I hoped and prayed for for years; I thought all hope was lost, and gave up for awhile before I learned about LoA and manifesting. Since then, I feel myself gaining more confidence and trusting in God and the universe, but I can’t fully “let go.” I can detatch from the situation at work or when I’m out, but it’s always the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the last as I go to bed.

    Am I doing something wrong? I’m visualizing, meditating, scripting, everything; everything but taking action.

    Take action — something I expected to do on the receiving end, not giving. Take action — a message I’ve been receiving, but am struggling to accept; those who know me tell me to wait, while the worker in the store or the lady in the church say “no.” They don’t know who I am, my story, what I want/am in the process of, but they can see I need to act on it. I’m tired sitting around doing nothing — its time to take action. If only divine action would fully call… every time I get close, I back out. Its a habit I need to break myself of; that habit starts right now.

    To be continued…

    *reverse Arminius is a term I derived as someone who fully engulfs themselves in and adopts the attitudes and behaviors of their new surroundings. An example is someone who’s originally from a rural area in the South moving to Manhattan and has lost their Southern accent and mannerisms completely.

 

Thought for the Day

Be both willing and receptive to unexpected blessings. Cheer up, there’s good fortune smiling down upon you!
– JST.C, 8/9/2017, 12:20PM EST