“Set in Our Ways” – How Ambitious People Are Different From Everyday Folk and Why We’re “Better”

“To thy own self be true.” No one puts it better than Polonius [from Hamlet]. Many like to tag and quote this piece, but few seem to realize its true value more then those who are ambitious. Ambitious people are different from ordinary folk; they’re not content with staying in the same place, doing the same thing, maintaining the same habits their whole lives. They don’t lie about everyday wining and complaining about their ho-drum lives; they take action. They know what they want, and they go for it; they don’t let anyone or anything stand in their way. They fall off the horse and leap back on, taking off faster and better than before.

Being ambitious takes has taken me far in life; I graduated summa cum laude with my bachelor’s and landed a full-time job at my alma mata ultilizing the thing I love most, writing. I wanted to work in Manhattan, and my ambitious heart helped get me there. I enjoy my 45-60 minutes to and from work everyday via subway and the Metro North because I am where I love most — la citta. Ambition and maintaining my pride also helped me get rid of fake friends and realize and hold onto my true ones. It showed me also that most of us have the virtue of success in common, some moving faster than others, some in different career fields, and scattered throughout most of our locations. If there’s one thing most of us have in common, it’s pride.

Yet not everyone has that. Some people are content staying home all day doing nothing. Some would prefer the solitude of the inland more than the hustle and bustle of the big city. Sometimes they never get the passion or drive to make something of themselves and leave their ho-drum lives. In some cases, they’re happy staying stuck with they are forever, or making themselves get stuck someplace us. These are the everyday folk; they’re much different than us. That doesn’t make them any worse or better; we’re just different. At least ambitious folk recognize the difference and respect that; everyday folk do not.

“Regular” people don’t view our ambition as a driving point. They label it as “dreaming” and “living in ‘fantasy land.'” They try to discourage and taunt us, saying that we’re being “too thick headed” and are “set in our ways.” To them, we’re haughty, rude beings who think we’re better than everyone else. They don’t view our differences as a good thing; they view us as “bad, picky people who they need to stay far away from.” However, the only “bad, picky people” are the regular folk themselves, and it’s simply for thinking this way, and most of the time, they aren’t even bad people; they just are “set in their ways” of defining what we should do to “settle” and “remain calm.” Yet they’re not hurting us — they’re hurting themselves by putting slits into the belt that unites us in our relationships.

A perfect example is myself — I am a ambitious, driven woman in her 20s. Most of my friends are successful men and women in their 20s and 30s. Some are ambitious, others are not. One of the “everyday folk” and I are at odds, and now I may be on the outs with another one. One views me as “set in my ways,” and I won’t argue her about that; the other is glimpsing into the same. Ma perche — why? Perche — because — I refuse to settle in “love.” O Cesar o nothing — its Caesar or nothing; I’d rather never marry before I compromise my soul and my life for settling for second rate men. But I know it won’t come to that; true love will find me again, and I’ll be with my “Caesar” in no time once I let go and open my heart and mind to who’s out there, what I want, and most of all, what God/the universe thinks and knows is in store for me.

Long story short, I’ve had encounters with friends of friends, both in person and online. Those people are male, and they are romantically interested in me. I, however, have and show no interest in them. They are not on my level; boring, both physically and internally unattractive everyday men who have no ambition or motive in life besides merely getting by. You’d get more laughter from a raindrop then these fellows. I’m not interested — don’t ask me why, I am not. Actually, they should know that I’m not because I both kindly and frustratingly asked time and time again not to be set up with people and not to pressure me into situations with men I don’t want. Sadly, they don’t get it; they just don’t understand. They criticize me, my hopes, my ambition, my dreams; they don’t understand or sympathize with how far dreams can really go. They’re not bad people; they’re wonderful. We’re just stuck in different mindsets, and I have, and show, no shame in living in mine. Time is something precious that we can never get back; why waste it with the wrong one(s) who we already know that we’ll never be attracted to and some whom we’re physically and emotionally repulsed by, just all out creeps. The best part of all, what some “everyday folk” fail to understand is that they are not one to judge us; some are where they are because of their success and pride in certain areas, especially with guy/romantic partners. So why pressure me into being with men as dry as toast when you have handsome/beautiful, successful, and, for some, ambitious partners yourselves? Therefore, they have no right to judge.

The best part of it all is that these everyday folk view themselves as “normal” and us as “different” and “strange,” and they are wrong in doing so. Yet there is no such thing as “normal;” that is a conception in reality that doesn’t exist. This is what makes ambitious people better; we see and share the comparisons, contrasts, and joys and embrace in it. In fact, these are our playgrounds. They share the joy in being different and strange as we are, too; they’re just so stubborn to realize it. And how joyous and ironic it is in life that the ones who preach normalcy are the least “regular” of them all.

Namaste, everyone. Have a Happy Wednesday and get home safe! šŸ™‚

 

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Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. - Mother Teresa

Growing Apart

Day by day, hour by hour. Time

sits patiently yet races like a

thoroughbred all at once. And our

lives slip from each other, growing apart.

Single vs. married, homeowner vs. wanderlust,

Homemaker vs. writer, Settled vs. figuring out,

Ā 

You pressure me so — to swallow my pride, settle

for less. How many years have our lives intertwined

and you still think I must accept second best? You

advise not to look at appearances, but your spouse is Khal

Drogo, so from experience you cannot speak. For

you above all know though the spirit is willing, my

thirst for pure flesh is weak. I lost myself, surrendered

all pride for a man who I loved years ago — why force

what isnā€™t there with losers and sigh?

Ā 

And there it is again, you chastise me. But sorella mia,

do you remember not what I told you year ago? Donā€™t

set me up nor force me to settle; do not stir the pot,

make haste not to break the kettle.

Donā€™t you see I am a bird who refuses to be

caged? And yet you make me feel guilty for being

true to myself, day by day. So I accept this distance,

this growing apart. We will always have each other,

weā€™re just at different points in our lives. We possess

opposing characteristics, conflicting outlooks, different

hearts.

  • Julia St. Clair, Ā©2017, 1:09 p.m.

Thursday, August 31, 2017: Quote of the Day, Meaning & Reflection – Positivity & Light

We boil at different degrees. - Clint Eastwood
“We boil at different degrees” — this means that everyone grows and matures at their own pace. Perhaps you feel different and disconnected from people, places, and things whom you love, but have evolved from. Maybe you’re deciding to build a new life for yourself and your family and friends think differently on it. It could be you or someone else has yet to move on from a traumatic event or want to break free. The message? Descansar — rest, don’t tire yourself. If you’re feeling down because your moment has yet to come, fear not; your time is coming, all you need do is have patience and wait.

I’m one of the most impatient people I know of and can vouch for that. A year ago, I was working in a position that I knew I wanted to get out of when my supervisor informed me that my co-worker and I were getting let go in a month; our department moved to another division, and the funding was no longer available to pay part-time employees. I put on a brave face (I felt worse for my boss than he felt for me, since I could see how upset he was and was more than thankful he was telling me ahead of time), and continued doing what I did the whole summer, going on interviews and scramming to find a position. Words alone cannot express how grateful I was when my present job opened up in the HR division I worked in since I was a student and my boss brought me on board. For the first time in months, I felt like I could finally breathe.

My job in HRIS ended on a Friday, and I started working in Benefits the following Tuesday. Although I was still part-time, I told advantage of my role by getting in as much into our processing and repository systems as possible, including over 600 files at one point, assisting with special events and classes for all the HR departments, and even taking an HR Generalist Certification course in Midtown. I achieved a lot for my co-workers and myself. However, at times, I felt very upset and down when I saw people I knew and went to school with getting full-time jobs, whether in their desired fields or not, and going on to work in big cities and do great things while I was still stuck. It wasn’t that I was doing the wrong thing; after taking 2 and a halfĀ months off to think, I started applying to positions galore in November-December (I actually put in my cover letters “getting this job would be the perfect Christmas present”) and went on more interviews, half good, half “eh” to bad. Yet none of these opportunities worked out, and it hurt me a lot, even the ones that I knew wouldn’t have worked out. I had yet to realize that the water wasn’t yet boiled; it simply wasn’t my time.

During the course of this year, I competed in the official Miss New York USA pageant and did background acting on Homeland and an Untitled HBO Project while working part-time. I also went on vacation twice, with my best friend to Fort Lauderdale, Hollywood, Miami Beach and South Beach, Florida and with my family to Rhode Island. I took advantage of every opportunity that came my way and made the most of it. While I can still complete in the pageant again next January (and its official, I am) and go on vacation so long as I double check and use a personal day and vacations days, I know I wouldn’t have been able to do the acting again, and for that I’m truly grateful. The past year and four months have been a time of tremendous growth that I needed to undergo and appreciate before I started working full-time — and “at last” the day came.

“At last” for this is a two-part process; today is my last day in HR, Tuesday I’ll start over in Development and Alumni Relations downtown. I’m still working at the university, with is a dream come true on the HR end since most of my stuff is already in the system, but will be in the city and writing so much more, two important things that I wanted to accomplish when pursuing something full-time. I also get to draft proposals, ghostwrite for the university higher ups, interview and do write-ups on donors of the month. Its everything IĀ loved about journalism before I switched outĀ into communications! Although I have to work evening and weekends for busy times and special events, one of said events is an awards dinner at the American Museum of Natural History — need I say more.

This is a great chance to make a fresh start and begin my writing career full-time — during the day as a development associate, and still in my spare time as a creative writer and screenwriter. Yet now is the perfect time for this all is be working out; a year ago I was too closed minded to think outside the box, refusing to apply to positions that didn’t have “writer/editor” in the job title, yet got interviews for even intern and secretary roles at casting and production companies, and the one time I did get an interview for an “Publishing Assistant” role, it was basically a data entry clerk with a fancy title and little to no writing involved. Forget about creative growth, there wasn’t even room for writing official letters. That experience was a big eye opener for me, since it taught me to 1.) investigate companies further (the HR contact assured me it was a “creative role” prior to my interview, and I had a weird experience before then where they wanted to illegally pay me under the minimum wage on the books — a huge hell no and also begging to get shut down) and 2.) read job descriptionsĀ thoroughly with attention to every detail. Its like my favorite Dead lyrics of all time, “once in awhile you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.” Sometimes positions may not seem what you’re looking for by their title, but if you read between the lines and look past the surface, you soon realize that the show might fit. The same can be said with searching for a home, car, or partner. This is a part of life and growing and developing as an individual and intellectual as a whole.

Speaking of “boiling at different degrees,” I’m learning to boil out of my “laissez-faire” (as in translation of “hands off”) romantic dreams and facing reality. I had to fully let go and make peace with my past, and did so the other day; I haven’t heard anything yet. I may or may not, but that doesn’t matter. What counts is that I said everything I needed to say and was aching to get out for years, not placing blame, but instead apologizing on my end, saying there is nothing to forgive because I forgave him a long time ago, and thanking him for all the fun times we had. I was also friendly and invited him to reach out, but if he doesn’t I understand. I feel like years of guilt and doubt are finally lifted off my shoulders, and I’m fully ready for what’s coming. I know now that I need to start dating again — not dating every six months or so and cancelling each other because I don’t want to “waste my time,” but actively going on dates anywhere from every week or so to once a month. Though I’ve dated since my breakup, I’ve only had one official sit down date since then, and nearly five years have gone by; I need to give my potential suitors a chance, just like my ex gave me. We were friends before we started dating, I liking him first and him not reciprocating the feelings, but in time, ironically around the point where I gave up all hope, he told me of his growing feelings and how he wanted us to go out. We didn’t even have our first date when we started dating; all I thought was he was giving me a chance to go out, and the next day he asked me over the phone, “So how was your first day of having a boyfriend?” What? We’re dating already? It was shocking, but great! Yet blurred my mind as I got older, since I saw people dating around, seeing different people at the same time and struggled to differentiate the difference between that and cheating. It took me until this weekend talking with my aunt and best friend to realize that I can date a few guys at the same time and it doesn’t mean I have multiple boyfriends or a boyfriend in general — its ok to have fun and play chess with fate. Not every guy is gonna be like my ex and put the label of “together” on that quick; and that’s a good thing!

So Clint Eastwood’s right — “we boil at different degrees.” Sometimes we make it before others or vice versa. All our friends are in relationships and we’re the only single person in the group or vice versa. Some of them move on faster after a breakup than us or vice versa. The point is what works for us works for us; it might not work for others, but it’s ok. This is all part of the journey of growing up and trusting in the universe and God’s Divine Timing, or whatever you choose to believe in. Everyone moves at their own pace — so let’s move on and take it one step at a time.

For more job searching articles, be sure to check these out!

The 7 Most Disrespectful Things Prospective Employers Do From a Candidateā€™s Point of View

A Word of Advice to Students and Recent Graduates Going on Interviews

An Epiphany

Also be sure to view these articles on dating and “the single life!”

12 Things Iā€™ve Learned While Being Single for 4 Years
Changes in Self-Discovery and Realization: The Single Life, Good Friends & Tiempo per me
Pursuing the Self: May 2017 Update
Tanto monta, Monta Tanto: The Search for the ā€œPerfectā€ Partner

O CeĢsar o nada

O CeĢsar o nada, its all or nothing. O CeĢsar

o nada, I must tell you something — O CeĢsar o

nada — nothing or all, o CeĢsar o nada, I shall not

fall, o O CeĢsar o nada, you and me — what will be is shall

and meant to be,Ā o O CeĢsar o nada, we shall again meet — as

Fernando and Isabel united Spain, and Isabel de Portugal served

regent for her emperador, I know again we’ll be against the rocky

shores, as like ours, both unions were abandoned for awhile, before

either relationship truly begun, we were already together once, twice, you

and I are already twelve steps ahead — just stop it now, don’t be afraid– O CeĢsar

o nada, my love.Ā Come back, for O CeĢsar o nada, weĀ are each other’s destiny, O

CeĢsar o nada, its you and me, O CeĢsar o nada, where fate soon leads. O CeĢsar o

nada, I’ve done my best, O CeĢsar o nada, ritorna, come back, show me something

built to last. O CeĢsar o nada, I am yours, and you are mine, O CeĢsar o nada, you’re a

lready here, showing yourself all in due time. O CeĢsar o nada, I let you and trust in

God to lead, O CeĢsar o nada, us back together, tanto monta, monta tanto, our destiny. O

CeĢsar o nada, you can run, but you can’t escape the fates. O CeĢsar o nada, don’t

forget, dear one, not all is left to God, but given to man for his role to play. O CeĢsar o

nada, time your time, get ready. O CeĢsar o nada, I know your heart is full and heavy, but

O CeĢsar o nadaĀ — the most precious thing we’re losing is time. O CeĢsar o nadaĀ — call or

text me now, O CeĢsar o nada, no one games — again let I be yours, and you be mine.

O CeĢsar o nada — we cannot turn back the hands of time. O CeĢsar o nada — but

we can begin, O CeĢsar o nada, be in the present, be not afraid, for I was and am

always yours, and you were and are always mine. O CeĢsar o nada, O CeĢsar o nada,

O CeĢsar o nada, O CeĢsar o nadaĀ — let us reunite, happy and mature, creating our

future tanto monta, monta tanto — all in God’s time.

  • Julia St. Clair, Ā©2017, 11:49 AM

Positivity & Light: Welcome June!

Buon giorno tutti, e felice prima di giugno! That’s “good morning everyone, and happy June 1st!” in Italian. Today is the start of a brand new month, one that I feel nothing but happiness and positive vibes about. Historically, June has always been a prime month in my life where many chances occurred. From graduating junior high (I graduated high school and college in May), to losing my grandparents within exactly a year and two weeks of each otherĀ (my grandmother ascended three days before her birthday), realizing my love for la citta just as I left Rome and recovered my repressed love for the city in general (ti amo, Manhattan) to going to concerts, being a bridesmaid in my cousin’s wedding,Ā taking finals and regents, even starting a new job, many of life’s large journeys crossed their paths during this time of the year, and I’m on high alert — but in a good way. Therefore, I want to spread the joy and positive energy out there for anything and everything that is to come.

It’s also the month of St. Anthony, the patron saint of miracles and lost things in Catholicism. Whether you’re skeptical or not, this saint has done the impossible for myself and my friends for God knows how long. From helping my great-grandmother during a dangerous childbirth with my grandfather, finding my cousin’s now-husband, and helping me in various aspects of my life, it’s no surprise as to why he’s my favorite saint and beloved intercessor. His feast day is June 13th, a day that is not to be feared because of the modern legend of the number, but to be celebrated and multiplied with positive intent, energy, healing, and love.

Here’s a short *prayer to get the month started and lift your spirits up. May happiness and love fill your heart, and, as the Grateful Dead said, “once in a while you get shone the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.” Avere un giungo Benedetto!

Caro Dio — Dear Lord,

As we enter this sacred month, help me to remain calm and

be fruitful in all that I do. Help me and assist me, Dear Lord, in

fulfilling my goals and finally obtaining–Ā and regaining– my

heart’s true desires. Let my mind be not troubled, but ever

growing and glowingĀ in grace, knowledge, wisdom, and love. And

thank you, God, thank you, Jesus, thank you, Holy Spirit, thank you,

Blessed Virgin Mary, and thank you, St. Anthony, patron saint

of miracles and returning lost people and items–and all the angels and saints and

ancestors hearing me–for all that has been given and the even

better things that are to come. And so it is– amen.

*this prayer is open to all regardless of religion or faith. Names can be switched out or changed to the participant’s liking.

 

Fort Lauderdale 2017

My best friend Lauren and I went to south Florida for vacation a month ago. WhileĀ staying in Fort Lauderdale, we dazzled in exploring the city along with Hollywood, Miami Beach, and South Beach. This photo was taken on her iPhone7 at Fort Lauderdale Beach via the Sunrise Blvd. entrance.

via Photo Challenge: Friend

Buff-a-Dub-Dub

Buff-a-dub-dub, three hands

in a tub — scrubbing the grim away

in vain effortlessly to show the surface,

to make her clean. Buff-a-dub-dub — embers

glow in the tub as the dark, sticky

covering was erased. Buff-a-dub-dub — true

light, true hope, true love radiates forth from

the tub, detonating a glow that renews and

refreshes her face — she is at peace.

The Qualm was there…

…from the beginning. When I saw

you sitting there. Peacefully plotting

my downfall…as your mousy demeanor hid

the ugliness that lie beneath such a plain

face…

 

That Qualm remained as I knew the girl

behind the face — every bit as dull inside as

was the exterior…yet this dullness held a

darkness, so black and cold like no one I

ever knew…she could be sweet, a best

friend one minute, before stabbing you in

the back after two…

 

The Qualm was there…yet I still felt bad…you

were the replacement for something, someone

whom I once had…yet I cared for you, though you

no longer deserved it…I kept you in my life, called

you “friend,” though you soured my image, putting my

face to your ugliness…you’re an amazing actress…no

surprise to whom they believed…yet I felt bad and

still defended you…

 

That Qualm took hold of my mind when you

ripped the love out of my heart…you knew he was

mine for years, right from the start…no poetic words

to hide…you stole my boyfriend…like a thief in the

night, only you were never his. I was. I still

am, though I surrendered the white flag long ago,

even before that,Ā you declared your illicit

affair “romantic”…Jezebel! You took my place before I

even left. Bravo, Madame de Poitiers. Nice work, Anne

Boleyn — going from side chick to his, though your

replacement will come one day, just you wait. Perhaps

she already has…

 

The Qualm was there, that qualm ignored. My lesson

was learnt, now I do as the mind and heart as one are

taught. I listen to my instinct, that way again I shall never

be…led astray and destroyed by another evil, soulless thing.

  • Julia St. ClairĀ©2017

 

via Daily Prompt

 

Changes in Self-Discovery and Realization: The Single Life, Good Friends & Tiempo per me

Sola— it’s no secret its been this way for me for over four years (five later on this year), and there’s only been one “Ghost of Christmas Past,” whomĀ itĀ felt as though he were five different men because his personalities and mental healthĀ were so complex. It took me years to realize the task I undertook being in a serious relationship at such a young age. I said in the past how I tried, and cried, for years to get back into a relationship, and towards the end of 2016, I realized IĀ don’t need nor want one.

How did I come to this realization? Online dating; I tried it, yet again, having a much better experience this time around than previous onesĀ (advice time: Bumble is awesome, stay away from OK Cupid, nothing but creeps looking for one night stands). IĀ spoke withĀ a variety of men, some weird, some cool, and one really nice and sweet. I even planned dates with some of them, and connected on social media. Yet despite these recent turn of events, I knew in my heart after having this positive experience on something I once thought desperate, even negatively, about that it’s not the right time for me. Per Me– for me. I never truly endured or experienced time for myself. I’ve had plenty of it, but it wasn’t until 2016 that I knew what to do with it. I was always used to being so-and-so’s daughter, so-and-so’s girlfriend, so-and-so’s friend that I had no idea how to truly be myself.

Another thing is I spent way too much time with the wrong people. When you waste time trying to fit in with individuals who possess no want, desire, nor need for you, it’s soul draining. For the record, I’m not here to demonize anyone; these are good people. We just didn’t go well with each other anymore. Maybe we never did after we explored other groups outside of My Chemical Romance, the band that bonded us all together. Maybe they incorporated me into the group more because they pitied me over everything that happened with my ex. Perhaps they thought they could change me, and I won’t lie, I thought I could influence them, too. Either way, the flame died, and there’s nothing we can do about it except smile and move on. I may not have many friends, but they are the most trustworthy, amazing individuals I’ve encountered so far in my 22-and-a-half years of life. I also have numerous acquaintances and colleagues who are awesome people, too. This attitude and more sets me apart with how I once was and most of those I left behind. Two things, actually: I’m grateful and always feel of hope.

Therefore, 2017 is the year of me– tiempo per me. Get a full-time job, start a career, have fun with friends, travel (even if it’s only the subway into Manhattan) and, if God wills and I feel its the right time, maybe just maybe date again. Namaste myself because as Stephen Hawking put it, “when there is life, there is hope.” Grazie mille.