Hey y’all! If anyone’s reading this, as Katya Zamolodchikova said last week– the bitch is back. Not just Katya, but anch’io, me too. Like Katya though, I’ve taken a break for awhile to focus and recover from a few things. My situation is quite different, but I took a break from screenwriting, posting on this blog, and just about writing in general outside of work to get things in focus.
Unfortunately, I haven’t been as happy this year so far as I was last year. I’ve been battling a seasonal depression that started as soon as winter did. For anyone who doesn’t know how the East Coast’s been fairing, let’s just say that it’s April and still snowing–I’m serious, we got bombarded this morning!
Along with the crappy weather, my life has been in a tough situation. Know that thing I was trying so hard to manifest last year? Guess what–it didn’t happen. In life, eventful moments usually come in threes–deaths, births, weddings, breakups, fast food outings, trips to Smashburger, etc. I was so pumped and ready for my big three mid-last year. I exited 2017 with two of them–new job and new home–but the third didn’t come around. It involves renewing contact with someone who’s been out of my life for years again, and it didn’t come through. I don’t know what’s worse–that this person most likely no longer has a cell phone, that last ditch efforts to reach them through their mother were in vain, or that he fudging got my message on their damn house phone and never contacted me back.
It didn’t even really hit me till about two months ago how much this has truly devastated me–so much so that I threw myself back into the tenth dimension of hell, aka online dating, to cope. Additionally, that also did not turn out as planned–not that I have faith in online dating anyway, but still🙂🙃
In life, we must accept that we only make things worse when we try to replace someone–even if they’ve been gone for six years. We’re all different and beautiful in our own way, and I’m finally, officially giving it up to God. I tried too hard to do an Anastasia and “Journey to the Past,” and then I attempted too desperately to meet someone new that I’ve had nothing but conflicting energy. I love New York City, but hate how everyone is constantly on their phones. It makes it nearly impossible to truly meet anyone! Yet, I must accept the inevitable, and by that, I mean throwing the white flag in on my date altogether. Good show, ol’man–good show. God, Jesus, the Universe, whichever bastard took away RuPaul’s Drag Race being free to watch on Amazon Prime–make my life better. Send me a miracle and big, positive change in my life. Please? Grazie Mille. Namaste and amen🙏💗❤️
By the way, things have sucked, yes, but not everything has been bad. Here’s some good news:
- I worked my first huge event at work last month, and it was awesome. I can’t wait to do it all again next year, and all inside the fanciest hotel I’ve ever been in! It’s like Art Deco meets the Palace of Versailles!
- You may not be able to tell from here, but my writing has vastly improved, and gets stronger each day.
- My sister and I are going to San Francisco in late May.
- One of my best friends gave me a framed photo that she designed as one of my Christmas gifts, and I cried tears of joy–I’m always blah, and am realizing that I’m afraid of everything because of the abuse I endured as a kid in a backward Catholic school where I was discriminated against for my body image and ethnic origins. I didn’t belong to the ethnic group where I went to school for nine years, and was always singled out for it. I couldn’t even say I’d pass for it, since my naturally dark hair gave me away. This is why I love being in diverse places, like my high school alma mater (also a Catholic school, but more liberal and open minded), my university alma mater (where I also work), and New York City so much. In fact, I get more aggravated by the businessmen on the Metro North going home then wannabe artists on the subway (some of them are awesome!). So this is a big deal for me!
- I officially start classes for my Master’s degree in May two days after my sister and I get back from San Fran.
- I’m learning how to read auras–this is fun!
- I took advantage of a great sale at Wayfair and bought a new bed with lots of storage. My new room is small, and I lost my desk and bookshelf, so the fact that I can now stack things under my bed helps a lot!
- I’m blonde again😍😭💁♀️I know hair color isn’t supposed to make a difference and blah, blah, blah, but I’ve never felt myself with any other color as I do this one.
- Most importantly, I started groundwork about a month ago on my novel–no, not one of those side projects that I dabble with that never get done, I mean the novel, the one that is making me famous as soon as I publish it. It’s nowhere near completion, but Chapter 4 is a good start. And I’m only letting my mentors and closest friends see it when ready–call me paranoid, but I don’t want to post publicly about it until it’s copyrighted and out there.
So that’s about it for now. Namaste everyone–please wish me luck, I truly need it! I’ve missed writing on this, and wish you happy reading. Love you all💗❤️
By the way…
The featured image is a meme I made going to a conference downtown💁♀️I past this building when I got off the subway, and couldn’t resist.