Tanto monta, Monta Tanto: The Search for the “Perfect” Partner

Once upon a time, I shared my life with someone, a man who captivated my heart and mind, yet had some demons which ultimately tore us apart, that mixed in with the both of us being very young, naïve, and immature. Nearly five years later, and I have yet to enter into another relationship, but dated around. My experiences with men in my 23 years are like young person’s– mixed. Men are like children and dogs; you’re never find the same one again. You might find bits and pieces of him in others, whether in physicality, mannerisms, or personal interests, but this is not Vertigo; you’re not going to find an exact doppelgänger of “the one who got away” waltzing down the street, and if you do its certainly not good nor wise for them or your mental and emotional health to change them into a replica.

So what must we do failed date after failed date, relationship after relationship, time after time? First and foremost, we must focus on one person, the only one who matters most — yourself. As RuPaul says at the end of each episode of Drag Race, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love anybody else.” So self love is a key. Do things on your own — go shopping, swimming, hiking, treat yourself to a tempting lunch, breakfast, dinner, dessert, or all four. Go out, live free, have fun. Learn to have fun by yourself and get to know yourself again.

No what? You practice self love, to your own self you’re true, what’s next? You need to narrow down exactly what you want in a partner — physically, personally, emotionally, mentally, etc. Don’t force a relationship with someone who merely gives you attention or because you don’t want to be “rude” to the family and friends who’re trying to set you up with someone. If you’re not physically and/or emotionally attracted to someone now, you’ll never be. You’re forcing the horse to drink the water until he pukes it all out. Let them down the right away, until they don’t get it or don’t give up; then “ghost” them, by “ghost” I mean ignore, delete, and block them so they can’t reach you again. Trust me, dealing with an annoying “gentlemen caller” a couple of times a year at parties is much better than him always being the first person to like your stuff when your heart doesn’t belong to him — especially if your heart belongs to someone else.

Speaking of someone else, who is that guy? He’s your soulmate, your romantic soulmate because, let’s face it, there are so many soulmates we have in life, but also your equal/missing half, yet realize that you are and always were whole, you just had yet to realize it. So what are you looking for? You’re “tanto, monta, monta, tanto.” This phrase means, “They amount to the same,” or “opposites in balance,” the alleged motto of Isabel I of Castile and Fernando II of Aragon during their marriage. This showed that they were equal rulers in their own rights, and both reigned over their inherited kingdom and served as consort to the other’s, respectively. Therefore, you want someone who’s a ruler, a leader, but won’t force your hand. A man who is as attractive on the inside as he is on the outer fields. This person motivates you, and gets inspired themselves. You two complement one another like berries and cream or salt and vinegar; whether you’re exactly alike or opposite or a combination of both in common interests, its your passion, charimas, love, and motivation that inspire one another. And that, therefore, is what we must find — tanto monta, monta tanto.  Only through this can we find a partner who’s “perfect,” because remember darling, there is no such thing as perfection, it is merely an illusion created my mankind. The only thing that’s perfect is God, the rest is just how good we can be and get, and notice that everyone, and everything, is you, yourself, pushed out.

Have a blessed weekend! 🙂

Image via the second season of Isabel, TVE, 2013
via Daily Prompt: Partner

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